I will admit on occasion I still battle with negative thoughts and emotions.  The onset of these feelings are, at least in my mind, are from the past, and I have yet to completely disengage from those neural pathways.  They’re coming undone though, but in the meantime, they occasionally rear their ugly heads.

Negative thoughts that have no basis on present day situations, sometimes sparked over unrelated events occasionally manifest.  Anger, loneliness, hurt, indignant emotions; they sometimes act as a veil and I do as much as I know how to counteract them, because I know they are not related to the now.  Sometimes they are shadows of past instances that are triggered by something or another.

The trick is to not allow the chaos to cloud the present, and ransack your future.

Today I worked though my emotions, reasoned with the unease that was within me, that wanted to start a fight, that wanted to fight back, but the people I wanted to push back were those that had nothing to do with the ones that created the stigma.  These folks now are just innocent bystanders; at the wrong place, at the wrong time.  I know this, so I do what I can to see the truth.  I know who my anger is toward, and that anger resurfacing shows I have yet to fully forgive them, even when I tried, prayed, and believed I had.  There’s more work to be done, because I’m tired of being the slave to emotional slights that even the abuser had forgotten about.